Lost Faith….

They say FAITH is something which is integral part of life. But sometimes; the same Life convinces us not believe, not to have faith on someone by showing its true colors. It has been a very very long time since I have written something. There were many instances where I just wanted a pen and paper so that I can put everything that was on my mind in the form of words. But every time, something within me, stopped me from doing so. But, now, here I am; finally gathering all my courage, to pen down everything.

Last few months have been really hard for me. There were a lot of ups and down, many emotional breakdowns and some happy moments also. Life was tough, but my phone back cover was there for me to motivate me. There are these words written on it in big block letters:-

When Life’s TOUGH, Remember you are TOUGHER…

Whenever I was about to give up, these words gave me some hope to hang in there… But, I guess they were not enough… At every step, there was something to learn. Every thing that made it more tougher, a part of me broke every time. But I was all patient; waiting for the black clouds to clear because I was optimistic. I knew that my sun is just about to rise… But, now I think, there is a limit of every positivity that one can hold. Sometimes, all just breaks down. My life has always been dynamic. There is always something going on, and I liked it that way. Otherwise, all just become boring and dull. I am okay if there are sad moments as it adds spice to life; makes it more interesting. And when it gets boring sometime, I myself add spice to it šŸ™‚ But I guess this time it got way too much spicy, which I was unable to handle and finally it collapsed…

In my last post, I had written a letter to someone which some of you might remember. It is no longer there as I removed it. So it all started with that someone. You know even today after so much time have passed after that “incident”, I feel that empty void in my heart that it created and I suddenly feel numb for a while. Tears roll out from my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I won’t share what actually happened or who that someone was. But I definitely want to share what this incident taught me, how it changed my life…

It is said that life is all about finding someone who can understand you in and out and where you don’t have to translate your soul, where words are spoken by eyes. Finding such people has become very difficult now a days, isn’t it ? But once you find them, we make them our life. Our small yet complete world revolve around these people. From my childhood, I am giving kind of person. I always helped anyone selflessly without expecting a single thing from them. It made me feel good. So, obviously, many of my friends used to take advantage of my behavior. But I cared least about it. Because I was not losing anything. Despite my mother telling me about this since school days, I never took it seriously. May be I never thought this quality of mine will backfire and hit me so hard. As I mentioned earlier, I found one such person in my life where it was all soul to soul connection, at least for me it was. What I couldn’t learn from my mother, this special person taught me the hard way. I thought that when people say something to you, they mean it (here again the deaf guy analogy came). But, the truth of life is something else.

“No, no. Not everyone is like you. Not everyone mean what they say. When someone say that you are very important to them. Don’t believe them. It’s a trap. Beware… There is great chance that they are just saying those cheesy things to get something from you. And believe me you will…and that’s it..they are gone…You are confused…you are still trying to understand what happened… you are figuring out…What can be the reason they left you?.. Was it you?… Self-doubt…You convince yourself that it was your mistake…you apologize and ask them stay… But they are like… Fu*k off… Now you are more confused… frustrated..Things are getting out of hand..you can’t lose this person by any chance…how could you? you have invested so much in them… And all those promises?..all those cheesy words?… They ought to mean something?… Right?…You try your best to convince that person to stay…You beg; you cry; you scream…You give up all your self respect and ego… why? Because you never imagined your life without them.. and now as they are not with you, you are completely lost… How could the person just leave?…this question never leaves your mind…and everything flashes in front of your eyes..every moment spent with them…And finally everything seems falling apart…But there’s nothing you can do here.. You know you are right but you lose in this battle… And for a person like me who is not used to failures, it becomes too much difficult to accept all of this. You think you will get better as time will pass, but it gets worse… But you need to stand up…right? You need to fight…You are a warrior… ” :- Life was telling me….

Before this incident, I was a forgive-forget kind of person. But, now, I have transformed myself into fight-revenge kind person aka WARRIOR. But before the final fight, I need to prepare myself and put myself through hard training and practice. That person scarred me for rest of my life. But I will use those scars to fight back…because war is won by destroying your enemies. Some day in future, there will come a moment, when that person will stand in front of you, but you will not shed a single drop of tear for them. Your aura will be so strong that now you don’t have to say anything; but your success will speak its language. The day is not too far… You will face many similar people in your life… Just remember.. if anyone disturbs your peace and self respect, just cut them off… Keep your fire alive… because there are some people who truly care for you and you need to hang out there for them and also for YOU.. šŸ™‚

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