My CHANDI…

To the most precious person and my source of energy,

  I know this small letter to you would never be enough to describe what you mean to me. I know I am very bad when it comes to praising you or talking good things about you. Yet, every time, I try to make you remember, once in a while, how important you are to me and how much lucky I am to have you by my side. It has been two years. 2nd October 2016, was the date when we started our journey. A journey, where we didn’t knew where it would take us, or what it would mean to both of us… I will not rant about the journey because we both know about it… And we both now, what we were back then and what we are today… We have so much changed… But this change is a good change, isn’t it? It was hell a roller-coaster ride… haha. We both inspired each other to become a better person. But one thing has never changed… Our fights. We fight with same frequency today as it was back then. But now life has different meanings for both of us. Earlier, we had just made our small world, just the two of us. But now, our world has become so much bigger with new people, new experiences….Privacy creeped in into our conversations. Earlier we used to talk and talk…hours passing by…time meant nothing for us. But then we realized: It’s not about how much we talk, it’s about the person with whom we talk. It was always about you and me, it was always about US.

Time passed by so fast. We went through a lot, like really a LOT…You know all about that. Fighting, separating then again patching up. This cycle went on endlessly. From loud laughter to wet nights, “US” was trying to keep up with all of this. But, soon, it was just you and me. We lost “US”. But then we shifted our goal to keeping you and me, as much strong as we can. We fell again and again, but we stood up every time. Cause it was you and me. I don’t know why I am falling short in words. Because, you know na I am good with words. You were the first reader of all my posts on my blog. You motivated me to pursue my passion of writing. But now, I don’t feel writing much. You know, it doesn’t come from inside.

I don’t need to list out how much you have sacrificed for me, how much you had to suffer because of me. The list is never ending. I even don’t know how you get the strength to stand beside me after all of this. I salute you. I know I am a selfish person. And I always put myself ahead of us. I blackmail you emotionally and always blame you for all the bad things and take credit for all the good ones. I know. I left you so many times. I blocked you so many times. But I came back to you all the time. It was not because I was alone but I could not imagine my life without you in it. Yes, I don’t talk about you with my friends which you do. I bet your eyes must be shining always when you tell them about me. You were always proud to have me and you never failed to let the world know about it. On the other side, I always hesitated to talk about you. It’s my nature. But trust me, the day I achieve something big, you would be the first person I would talk about. I also want to tell the world about you, my KOHINOOR and I will.

I know you keep telling me that we are just friends. And that you don’t love me. You know, what you are for me? FAMILY. And I love my family more than anything. Yes, we won’t be sharing the same surname…so what? You have played all the roles…as my mother who tells me to eat properly, as my father who corrects me when I am wrong, as my brother who supports me to follow my passion, as my sister who gives me an emotional support every time I need it… You are everything for me. You are my FAMILY.. One day, I will make you proud and give you all those things you deserved..one day, we will again relive our happy moments from the past..one day, you and me will again become “US” And believe me that day isn’t far… Just stay with me…I want to see your eyes shine…

 

Your ……..

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Survival…

Life is full of cliffs and plateus; ups and downs. And it is same for everybody. There is nothing special about anyone where it’s all UPs or all bottoms. Everybody hits the rock bottom in his/her life at least once in life. Some very early in life, some a little late… How does it feel then? All depressed, and gloomy…right? When we are just about give up all our hope, when we think it won’t get better, when we question, WHY ME? Everyone goes through such phase… And everyone think that their problem is the worst of all. Trust me, it’s not. You are very lucky to have so much things when someone even don’t have the privilege of all the love you are getting now. Whenever you feel like you are just done with life and can’t take anymore, take a moment to realize that you are far better and there is nothing to worry. It just a minor setback. You are good.

My fellow readers, there is a lot of pain in this world, more than you can imagine. You think that these setbacks have crushed you and you cannot stand now. Believe me, we humans are very strong people. God has made us so hard that these weaker forces can never break us. We are the best of the best with infinite potential. We are like that big Boulder in between a river flowing with its mightiest speeds, standing our ground and taking all the hits but not moving an inch. Trust me, the flow is not that fast everytime. It gets slow. But it will not vanish, it will not flow the way you want it. Similar is our life. Problems will keep coming one by one, some quite big, some very tiny. But you cannot be moved, right? Life is like that, my gals, with constant resistance. Hang in there. Cause actually life’s not a race, it is a test for survival. And just as a small piece of charcoal takes shape of a beautiful diamond after it goes through a lot of survival tests, you will also grow into something remarkable. Now it’s your choice, you decide the value of your diamond, you decide whether it is normal diamond or the KOHINOOR..? 😊

Right to THINK…

Diversity is an important and critical part of life. Our world is so much diverse and varied. Right from diversity in race, religions, clothing to diversity in food, culture and philosophies; we are very much dissimilar. But I am not here to talk about that kind of diversity. I am here to talk about diversity in THOUGHTS. Every person in this big world is entitled with the right to THINK. No government or authority has a control over it. The idea of right to think is little absurd though. Does it mean that everyone is allowed to think as per his/her wish? But we all know that our personality reflect our thoughts. So does this so called “right to think” come under the bigger and more meaningful; right to expression? To find answers to these questions let us all take a moment to look at ourselves and our lives.

We all know that our brain is a very complex machine. It is so complicated that even today, with massive technology, we are yet to build something that can beat a human brain. We are also not close to replicating it. It is constantly thinking. Not a single second passes when it is idle. You agree, right? So coming back to our question, we might notice that everything that we do is based on what we thought about that. Literally, everything… and nobody can control what we think. Yes, they can influence our thinking. But, we are ourselves the manager, organizer and regulator of our thoughts. So, yes, we all have the “right to think” anything.

Now, let us combine both these concepts of diversity and right to think. Even when we focus on a single person, his/her thoughts are so much wide-ranging and they keep on changing with time. So consider this. We have millions of different people with each having millions of varied thoughts. So much diversity, right? You know why China and India are progressing so fast. They contribute a major share from this gigantic pool of thoughts. More thoughts, more ides and more innovations. So let’s move a little further on thoughts and connect them with our personal lives.

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It is rightly said that man is a social animal and he needs to connect with people to further prosper in life. Seems very true, doesn’t it? Who likes to be alone anyways? We meet new people daily. Let’s us make this a little more interesting. Consider each individual as a cluster of thoughts. So, in these terms, we meet several clusters of thoughts. What makes us like them is the common things in our clusters of thoughts. Greater the intersection, more can we connect with them, right? When we become friends with someone, it starts an interaction process between our clusters. Some thoughts get deleted, some gets modified. We become a major influencing force for each other’s clusters. Apart from these, we meet a lot of people where the intersection is so small that connection seems difficult. But these clusters are pretty complex things. What appears on the outside may be not what is beneath the surface. So even though when it seems that two people share a lot of common, it might not mean that their souls may connect. So just be aware of such people. And choose the right ones. Because once the interaction starts, you have already given that someone the power to influence your thoughts. So afterwards, it will be a lot hard to let go of that person. It is similar to a chemical reaction. It is irreversible most of the times.

To summarize, it’s not you; it’s your cluster of thoughts. And diversity is part and parcel of life. We should learn to acknowledge and accept the fact that no two person are similar. There is nothing such as soul-mates or “made for each other”. It is how well the interaction process goes. And when it fails, you need to let go. Because there nothing you can do here. The reaction has already taken place. What you can do is find new reactants and modify your cluster. Or better, you are yourself capable enough to change your thoughts. And not to forget: NEVER STOP THINKING…

Dear past ME:

“Hey there. You know it feels a bit weird for me to write to you. It’s like talking to a stranger for me. You ask, why? The present me is a lot of different than the past you. In the last 3 years, so much has changed. College years.. Right? Actually I really didn’t thought LIFE will take me to this moment, to this ME. Anyways, to start, let me clear this. This letter is not one of those clichéd ones where I sob in nostalgia and ponder over all the beautiful memories from the past. This letter is on different lines. You were just an innocent kid back then. Yes, an 18-year-old “KID”, who was unaware of the rulings of the outside world. You had just got your wings and you were ready to make your first dive.

   Eyes filled with aspirations, mind focused and goals set. You entered this arena where everyone was running. For what? Obviously, to be FIRST. Each with different capabilities, different dreams but one common goal; to SUCCEED. You thought it would be a smooth run. But you forgot that, in this rat race, you, yourself had all your burdens pilling on your back, day by day which made you slow and tired…But how could you lose? You were always a CHAMP till then and nobody could even compete with you. But now LIFE was much more complex and twisted. You pushed yourself hard. But you could not cope up with the ever incoming burdens, of EXPECTATIONS, both of you and your parents. You were pushing all your limits but in vain.

 When you were just trying to cope up with all this, you discovered something new, something magical; the feeling of LOVE. It was great, wasn’t it? Someone whom you can trust with anything. You met new people, you tried to socialize… You were so happy back then, everything was going your way. You thought LIFE is just so MERCIFUL. The truth is it’s hard to survive. You lost some of your close friends who you thought will be by your side forever… Nothing is FOREVER. People leave. It’s very hard to find the right people in this world full of “gold diggers”. I know it hurts like HELL. Life has not been the way you expected back then. You have gone through a lot of ups and down and fought each battle like a WARRIOR. It’s not that you never lost; but you NEVER GAVE UP. And that’s all count. I am really proud of you. Life have shaped you into your BEST form today and it will continue. Just keep going. You are doing GREAT. A bright future awaits you.”

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Lost Faith….

They say FAITH is something which is integral part of life. But sometimes; the same Life convinces us not believe, not to have faith on someone by showing its true colors. It has been a very very long time since I have written something. There were many instances where I just wanted a pen and paper so that I can put everything that was on my mind in the form of words. But every time, something within me, stopped me from doing so. But, now, here I am; finally gathering all my courage, to pen down everything.

Last few months have been really hard for me. There were a lot of ups and down, many emotional breakdowns and some happy moments also. Life was tough, but my phone back cover was there for me to motivate me. There are these words written on it in big block letters:-

When Life’s TOUGH, Remember you are TOUGHER…

Whenever I was about to give up, these words gave me some hope to hang in there… But, I guess they were not enough… At every step, there was something to learn. Every thing that made it more tougher, a part of me broke every time. But I was all patient; waiting for the black clouds to clear because I was optimistic. I knew that my sun is just about to rise… But, now I think, there is a limit of every positivity that one can hold. Sometimes, all just breaks down. My life has always been dynamic. There is always something going on, and I liked it that way. Otherwise, all just become boring and dull. I am okay if there are sad moments as it adds spice to life; makes it more interesting. And when it gets boring sometime, I myself add spice to it 🙂 But I guess this time it got way too much spicy, which I was unable to handle and finally it collapsed…

In my last post, I had written a letter to someone which some of you might remember. It is no longer there as I removed it. So it all started with that someone. You know even today after so much time have passed after that “incident”, I feel that empty void in my heart that it created and I suddenly feel numb for a while. Tears roll out from my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I won’t share what actually happened or who that someone was. But I definitely want to share what this incident taught me, how it changed my life…

It is said that life is all about finding someone who can understand you in and out and where you don’t have to translate your soul, where words are spoken by eyes. Finding such people has become very difficult now a days, isn’t it ? But once you find them, we make them our life. Our small yet complete world revolve around these people. From my childhood, I am giving kind of person. I always helped anyone selflessly without expecting a single thing from them. It made me feel good. So, obviously, many of my friends used to take advantage of my behavior. But I cared least about it. Because I was not losing anything. Despite my mother telling me about this since school days, I never took it seriously. May be I never thought this quality of mine will backfire and hit me so hard. As I mentioned earlier, I found one such person in my life where it was all soul to soul connection, at least for me it was. What I couldn’t learn from my mother, this special person taught me the hard way. I thought that when people say something to you, they mean it (here again the deaf guy analogy came). But, the truth of life is something else.

“No, no. Not everyone is like you. Not everyone mean what they say. When someone say that you are very important to them. Don’t believe them. It’s a trap. Beware… There is great chance that they are just saying those cheesy things to get something from you. And believe me you will…and that’s it..they are gone…You are confused…you are still trying to understand what happened… you are figuring out…What can be the reason they left you?.. Was it you?… Self-doubt…You convince yourself that it was your mistake…you apologize and ask them stay… But they are like… Fu*k off… Now you are more confused… frustrated..Things are getting out of hand..you can’t lose this person by any chance…how could you? you have invested so much in them… And all those promises?..all those cheesy words?… They ought to mean something?… Right?…You try your best to convince that person to stay…You beg; you cry; you scream…You give up all your self respect and ego… why? Because you never imagined your life without them.. and now as they are not with you, you are completely lost… How could the person just leave?…this question never leaves your mind…and everything flashes in front of your eyes..every moment spent with them…And finally everything seems falling apart…But there’s nothing you can do here.. You know you are right but you lose in this battle… And for a person like me who is not used to failures, it becomes too much difficult to accept all of this. You think you will get better as time will pass, but it gets worse… But you need to stand up…right? You need to fight…You are a warrior… ” :- Life was telling me….

Before this incident, I was a forgive-forget kind of person. But, now, I have transformed myself into fight-revenge kind person aka WARRIOR. But before the final fight, I need to prepare myself and put myself through hard training and practice. That person scarred me for rest of my life. But I will use those scars to fight back…because war is won by destroying your enemies. Some day in future, there will come a moment, when that person will stand in front of you, but you will not shed a single drop of tear for them. Your aura will be so strong that now you don’t have to say anything; but your success will speak its language. The day is not too far… You will face many similar people in your life… Just remember.. if anyone disturbs your peace and self respect, just cut them off… Keep your fire alive… because there are some people who truly care for you and you need to hang out there for them and also for YOU.. 🙂

Who is REAL…Who is FAKE…

My summer vacations just ended and I am back to my college away from home. Last few months have been quite dynamic and I experienced a lot of things. My feelings and emotions saw it’s extreme levels on both sides. One day, I was feeling to be on top of the world and on another, I felt like crying alone sitting in a corner. These days were indeed a roller coaster ride for me I had never experienced earlier. I learnt new things; I met new people and also lost some. At the same time, I came to know some harsh realities of life which everyone of us have to face at least once in our life some or other day. And they struck me really hard and I found it very difficult to accept those.

 I am a very optimistic person. I always try to find some positive part in every negative thing. But this attitude of mine totally changed in these months. I am a pretty introvert in nature… People often think that we don’t like to make friends. So they usually tend to leave us alone. But let me tell u guys… We also like making new friends like you all. But we have a very small friend circle with limited no. of friends. Even they are very few, they are too much valuable for us. I had very few friends right from my childhood. I never could mix up with the crowd. In my school, I rarely struck a conversation with my classmates. But a huge transformation came in me in last two years. The one, who used to enjoy spending time alone, was now feeling alone and left out. He wanted to share his smallest thing with someone. He wanted someone to listen to his stories that were deep down in his mind from a long time. He too wanted to express his emotions and feeling. He wanted to dance like an idiot, cry like a baby, laugh loudly and enjoy everything. But who to tell? There was no one. He had no friends 🙂 He searched everywhere but couldn’t found the one. Finally, he lost all his hopes.

But God has something else planned for him. There is always a small ray of hope like that small plant, which grows in the cracks of cement walls.. Someone came in his life and everything changed. As time passed by, smaller conversations were replaced by endless late night talks. He found the one. He gave his everything to that person. He opened up and expressed all his feelings. Life was back on track. And again he was very happy. They promised each other to stay… But he had no idea what was going to happen next.. That person was not that person which he met 2 years ago. Everything was changed suddenly. But he still believed that everything’s gonna be fine.. But things worsened day by day and that day came which he had never expected ever. Heart break.. He tried all his best to make things better..But little by little, everything started slipping out of his hand. And it all ended with a heart break…

Sometimes we give up too much from our side but the other person never reciprocates. Sometimes we care too much. There is always an inside battle going within us between our heart and brain. And we don’t know what we should do.  It’s really confusing world. We don’t know…Who is REAL ?….and who is not? Who to trust and who to not? I don’t understand how people just forget what we do for them. It is really painful to see, isn’t it? Even the people who are very much close to you doesn’t get you sometimes. They have seen me through years and they don’t know a single thing about me… And what they say is that I didn’t tell them much…Aren’t some things need to be observed? So should I stop expecting from people? These questions made me angry and frustrated. But then I understood that this is the bitter truth of LIFE and I need to deal with it. I have to accept it. Now here am I….The one, who once thought he would have a lot of friends which he could share anything, is now all alone….back to his introverted behavior..Now he don’t think he could ever open up and develop trust on other people. Now he has developed a shield around his heart, which will stop him to share anything..LIFE again proved its dominance.. May be, there will be another sunrise waiting for him in near future which will bring that cheerfulness to his life. May be….

Equilibrium

Originally posted on The Pensieve:
Hello! So, I’m back! So far it does seem that I’m sticking with my new year resolution. I’ve graduated from a post every two months to a post every two weeks! Yay! A couple notices before we resume our business here.. 1. To my brand new readers:- Welcome! I do…

Hi!

Note:- Before I actually get to the matter at hand, it’s my request to you guys to read my previous (1st) post on this site. Because it kinda deals with what this post is about, and (more importantly) who the hell am I.

If you have…. then we’ll do better to get going! 🙂

The premise of this post is a question of whether science or rather physical science can actually help us decide what’s good or bad in our lives. It’s an attempt to explain a vague, philosophical/psychiatric concept through some solid facts and principles.

The Pensieve

Hello!

So, I’m back! So far it does seem that I’m sticking with my new year resolution. I’ve graduated from a post every two months to a post every two weeks! Yay!

A couple notices before we resume our business here..

1. To my brand new readers:- Welcome!

I do advise you to read my last post, Energy before you start reading this, because this starts off right where I left things last time and WITHOUT preamble. If you continue reading this without reading the one prior, you’ll be like….

(‘Where am I?…..’ )

2. To the old faithful:- Welcome back!

(Yeah, that’s it.)

Let’s start!

PreviouslyonSoumi97…..

(Well if you guys really thought that I was gonna do a recap just so that you could simply laze around, then you were wrong! Just go through my previous post if you’ve forgotten it, won’t you?)

Now, assuming that you’ve…

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